Dear Tiger

Dear Tiger,

I'm really sorry that you had a bad Thanksgiving and have now found yourself in the middle of a media storm. I know your motivation in being silent is to protect your privacy and hope that silence will make the whole situation blow over. But unfortunately in our celebrity-obsessed society, this is just not true.

Because of your silence, instead of the situation blowing over, it's actually blowing up. We are curious creatures, and in the age of new media, if we don't hear from you, we will rush to TMZ, Twitter, Facebook, etc. to seek the dirty details of the story and if we don't get them, then we'll make up our own story.

The public wants to hear the story from you, and trust me, you need the public to hear it from you. As much as you don't want to air your dirty laundry, it will help the media frenzy subside. It's like ripping off a band-aid. It hurts but it's over fast. So just give us a brief, clear explanation, then it will all be over soon.

Break your silence, and I think your holiday season will end better than it started.

Happy Holidays!
Holly

Likable Sarah

I rarely get to watch Oprah, but yesterday I was home sick and got to tune into her interview with Sarah Palin. And I must say, I actually liked Sarah Palin. She annoyed the crap out of me during the campaign, so I mainly tuned in yesterday to see if she would look like a fool, like she so often does with the media. But she didn't.

I think now that she's out from under the dictatorship of the campaign publicists and the intense pressure of the campaign, itself, she's more relaxed and likable. Let's face it, Sarah Palin was not at all ready for what she was getting into when she joined the race for Vice-President of the United States. Going from an almost never-heard-of politician to being a U.S. Vice-Presidential candidate was a bit extreme. Not only was she not politically experienced to handle this campaign, but she also wasn't media experienced enough. There was no way to prepare her for the intense media scrutiny and spotlight that she threw herself into. Once she got into the depths of the campaign I believe she realized that and wanted out, but at that point it was too late. She was probably relieved that McCain lost.

After going through that experience, she now has a different look in her eyes. She was softer and seemed more at ease. Although she danced around some of the key questions Oprah asked, such as 2012 possibilities, I believe she answered as best she could, because although she may have no current plans of running, she has no idea what the future holds. Better to be aloof and open to possibilities, than to write your future in stone via an Oprah Winfrey interview.

I think through this interview, she's painting a new image of herself. It will be hard to shake off the image of incompetence that came across in the campaign, but what people like about her is that she is normal and genuine. That was masked in the campaign, but she brought that out front and center on Oprah yesterday. She handled the questions about Levi Johnston's behavior with integrity and grace. And she also took this moment to explain some of the media blunders from the campaign that left viewers feeling slight pity and compassion.

So overall thumbs up to Sarah Palin. I'm still unsure of her as a leader, but I definitely like her more now.

It Can Happen to Any One of Us

This morning I was listening to the Bert Show on my way to work, and they were talking about the Rihanna interview where she finally speaks out about her abusive relationship with Chris Brown.

They were talking about her continually mentioning and emphasizing how embarrassed she was about the situation. They couldn't understand why Rihanna was so embarrassed, because it wasn't her fault, etc. I almost called in to the show, because something unexplainable was whelming up inside of me as I listened to this segment and remembered having those same feelings of embarrassment after getting out of an abusive relationship in my mid-twenties.

But I didn't call in, because I'm still embarrassed. I never talk about this part of my life, because I'm still embarrassed. But the fact is, it's part of my story and by the grace of God, I was delivered. I'm not going to broadcast this part of my life with a megaphone, but I shouldn't be silenced by shame, so here goes...

I was in an abusive relationship for a year...but it took a year and 2 beatings before I woke up and realized I was even in an abusive relationship. That's very embarrassing.

Also, the possibility of I could allow myself to be victim to an abusive relationship never occurred to me....even when it was happening. When I think of domestic abuse, I always pictured uneducated, weak women with a dysfunctional family life, living in the backwoods. I was a 25-yr-old attractive, successful, college-educated woman. I was raised to be strong and independent, but somehow I ended up in both an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I even left my life and friends in Atlanta to move to Nashville to be with my abuser, because I didn't know I was in an abusive relationship. That's very embarrassing.

But once I was OUT and reflected back, the signs were there. For example, if I tried to walk away when we fought, he would grab me HARD, sling me around or pin me down on the ground or against the wall. It would startle me, but again, I never thought he would really hurt me. I remember one night, we were fighting on a street corner, and a cop pulled me aside and said, "Is he going to hurt you? Do you need me to intervene?" I looked at him completely mortified and said, "No, that's crazy. He's not going to hurt me." Then the cop said, "Well, if he hasn't hurt you yet, there's a good chance he will. I've seen these things too many times and the way he is handling you is typical of abuse." That freaked me out a little, but I passed it off for a paranoid cop who didn't know our situation and I would never date someone that would be abusive.

The actual beating didn't happen until a month before I moved to Nashville. We were having one of our typical drunk fights, but this time he snapped. He slammed me against the wall and started choking me. When I broke free and ran in the house to grab my things, he again pinned me down on the ground and bit me and did whatever in his power to try and keep me from leaving. But he never actually threw a punch at me, so even after this, I STILL didn't realize I was in an abusive relationship! After he cried and groveled to me with the shame of what he'd done, he convinced me it was a one-time thing, he was drunk, he will never do that to me again, blah, blah, blah.

But it did happen again, a few months later, after I had dropped my life in Atlanta to be with him in Nashville. And that was when I realized that sure enough, I-attractive, successful, educated me-was in fact in an abusive relationship. And that's when I got out and with the help of family, friends and Divine intervention, I quickly moved back to Atlanta to get far away from him.

But I am still to this day embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that it took me that long to get out...that I didn't walk away after the first sign, much less the first beating. Embarrassed that I allowed someone to have that kind of control over me. Embarrassed I didn't listen to friends that warned me of the red flags they saw in our relationship. Embarrassed that I allowed him to rob me of my confidence and independence.

But what I learned is that it absolutely can happen to anyone, and the least suspecting man can have these abusive issues and the least suspecting woman can be a victim of domestic abuse. For those women who are like I was and think "I will never get myself into that", think again. Along with your own denial, physical abuse is coupled with emotional abuse, and as most abusers, mine was a master manipulator. He would attack my inner intuition to where I didn't know what was right, wrong or who I even was anymore.

So all I can say to women in any relationship is to stay aware and listen to your intuition...God gave women extra intuition for a reason. Listen to those around you who are able to see the situation from the outside. And don't let embarrassment or shame silence you.

Religion eloquently put.

I have to admit, I stole this off another Blog. But these lyrics from David Wilcox song, "Good Man" are just too eloquent and is exactly I feel about religion in much of the Bible Belt.

Let me apologize in advance
For the way my friend behaves
He’ll pick a fight and take a holy stance
He’s so proud that he’s so saved

I hope you don’t judge Jesus
By the things my friend will say
He holds a bible like a dagger
And he twists it just that way

He just loves conversation—like a cat loves a bird
I guess he’s always been a good man—in the worst sense of the word

The good knights went out to save the day
In the age of the crusades
A sharp sword on a tortured soul
They were sure the point was made
Any tool can be a weapon
If it’s used with that intent
The devil’s great at quoting scripture
And confusing what it meant

So all the evils done for Jesus —it is a history so absurd
But there will always be a good man—in the worst sense of the word

They ‘jacked a plane to make a sneak attack
They were trained to die in flames
Their last words were to God above
Just to praise His holy name

For all the terror and destruction
They felt no sense of shame
You gotta wonder why religion
Can make people so insane

But their devotion was unquestioned—follow straight and never swerve
The devil always needs a good man—in the worst sense of the word.

Celebrate Life

Over the past week, I've been bombarded by death. We all have really, with the multiple celebrity deaths, specifically the beloved Michael Jackson. But then I also had a close friend lose her grandmother last week, so a few close friends road tripped it to South Carolina on Sunday to attend the funeral and be by our friend's side.

The combination of these events got me thinking what I want my funeral to be like. First of all, I want it to be a celebration of life. No matter when I go-even if it's tomorrow, I believe God's blessed me with a full, abundant life, so I want people to celebrate this blessing of life that God gives us. My favorite way to celebrate is dancing, so I want a big dance party with all my favorite songs that I love to dance and sing at the top of my lungs. The following is a glimpse of my celebration playlist:

1. Holiday-Madonna
2. Bombs Over Baghdad-Outkast
3. Man in the Mirror-Michael Jackson
4. Change-Tupac
5. I'll be missing you-P. Diddy version
6. Pour some Sugar on me-Def Leopard
7. Dancing on the Ceiling-Lionel Ritchie
8. PYT-Michael Jackson
9. Bye Bye Bye-'N Sync
10. Step by Step-New Kids on the Block
11. Don't Stop Believing-Journey
12. The Way you make me Feel-Michael Jackson
13. Like a Prayer-Madonna
14. Low-Flo Rida
15. Sunday Bloody Sunday-U2
16. All Night Long-Lionel Ritchie

This is just a sample of songs, that I wouldn't necessarily label amazing music, so don't judge me. But they are all songs that when I hear them come on, I grab the closest fake microphone and sing at the top of my lungs and start shaking my hips. It's music that makes me happy.

I want the tears to turn from sad to happy and that silly stories are shared that makes everyone laugh. With all the death that's happened this week, it's amazing to hear the accomplishments, the blessing and the mark these people have made on the world. Hearing my friend share the influence that her grandmother had in her life and others lives was a beautiful reminder that life is a gift from God, and we have a chance to make something amazing of it. Although the loss is sad, overall the thumbprint we make in God's story is worth celebrating. So if I go to be with Jesus tomorrow, I want my funeral to be a party.

Childhood Reminder #4: Michael Jackson

Where do I start? A piece of my childhood died yesterday. I LOVED Michael Jackson as a child. While most girls were into Madonna and Debbie Gibson, I was into Michael Jackson. I don't remember too much about the Thriller obsession, because I was only 2, but I do remember having nightmares from seeing the music video on MTV. And does anyone remember the Captain Eo attraction at Disneyworld? Yeah, I saw it..and just like every other kid was completely mezmerized.

A music legend left us today. I'm not going to talk about the troubled Michael Jackson, as that was a result of his abusive upbringing and exploitation. I want to remember the Michael Jackson that I knew as a kid....John Mayer put it best with "I truly hope he is memorialized as the '83 moonwalking, MTV owning, mesmerizing, unstoppable, invincible Michael Jackson."

When old school Michael Jackson comes on, you can't help but dance! I'm listening to "Bad" right now as I write this, shaking my shoulders and bobbing my head. It's like my body has a mind of it's own when it comes to this music. Last night, Kay and I were on our way to Yacht Rock at Ten High, but then I heard "Man in the Mirror" blasting on the jukebox inside The Dard Horse. The music took over, and we quickly ran inside and danced the night away with strangers to all the MJ classics. It truly is dynamic and captivating.

Remember the old school Michael Jackson? This man came ALIVE when he was on stage. He defined pop music and created dance moves that made our jaws drop. Music, dancing and entertaining was all he ever knew....it was what made him the King of Pop and what may have ultimately killed him. As tragic as Michael's story ended, I remember and celebrate the musical mark that he left on the world.

SOPO is What the Church should be

SOPO is what church is supposed to be. SOPO stands for "South of Ponce", and it's a community project that encourages cycling. Their mission statement is "to create equitable access to cycling by providing affordable bicycle maintenance, services and education." But it's so much more than that.

I've been spending a lot of time there because I bought a vintage road bike that was a real fixer-upper. I love my bike..it's become my baby because I have lubbed it, replaced all the rusty cables, gotten it new tires, etc. And all this I did myself and for FREE, because of SOPO. At SOPO, you can build a bike from scratch for practically nothing because you build it using donated parts. However, you have to build it yourself, but that's what makes it so freakin' cool!

From the first night I showed up there, the community at SOPO was eager to help me with my bike project. I timidly walked up a little lost sorority girl among a sea of hipsters, but at SOPO they don't judge. It doesn't matter where you come from or what you look like, the SOPO community embraces and welcomes you.

There's bike experts that come up there just to help people and educate them on how to fix their bike. Everyone is working together, helping and teaching each other about their bikes. Serving one another and building relationships through working together.

There is also a place for the homeless at SOPO. There are homeless people that build their bikes and are also regular volunteers who teach dumb people like me how to pimp their bike out. SOPO embraces the homeless community and gives them a place where they belong and can be used.

SOPO is what the church should be...inclusive, non-judgemental, relational, serving and reaching out to the broken....just like Jesus.