You are not alone

You're not alone in your junk. I got a phone call today...a desperate phone call from a friend who I actually rarely talk to, but for whatever reason, I popped into her head to turn to in a desperate moment. She's been out of work for awhile, and like so many people in our crappy economy, she can find NOTHING. As soon as I said, "hello", she burst into tears. Through her sobs, she said, "Holly, I need you to pray for me. I just can't pray right now....I don't know what else to say to God. I can't get happy, and I feel so lost. I just don't know what else to do."

I immediately gave a shout out to God for my friend, and then proceeded to encourage her the best I could. My heart hurt listening to her state of desperation, but honestly, the only thing that kept entering my mind was "Friend, you are not alone."

There's a lot of people going through a lot of crap right now...we are not alone. My friend then proceeded to apologize for calling me and dumping out all her problems. But there is no need to apologize, because she is not alone, and I don't want her to be alone. I was honored that she was led to reach out to me. I've been in the depths of despair and depression....I know how it feels, and she needs love, encouragement and support.

I recently bought a t-shirt from Jedidiah, my favorite graphic tee company. I ordered it online because I loved the design, but when I got it and checking it out in person, almost hidden in the design was the phrase, "I am not alone with my junk." Reading this, I thought, "wow...this shirt was made for me."

On the inside of the shirt was a story about a guy who was internally dealing with a lot of "junk". He said, "I shined a light on the darkness in my life and exposed parts of me that no one knew....After I shared my experience with others, they began sharing their own similar stories with me....When we fall, unconditional love picks us up....Through vulnerability, I am no longer a slave to darkness."

Let's be honest, times are tough. And it's time to let down those walls and go through our junk together. God created us to do life together...even during the tough times. There are so many going through hardships we never imagined we'd encounter. And everyone is always struggling or dealing with something. Now more than ever we need to wear love and encouragement on our sleeves.....whatever it is you're dealing with right now, find that person that you can lean on, cry with and vent to. Someone that will listen and encourage, and be that person to someone today. Because we are not alone in our junk.

My New Friend

I've had the heaviest two days at work, so here I am at Java Monkey, trying to process everything I've come in contact with the past two days....Rape, war, conflict, guns, money, disease....yeah, you probably checked out at "rape". I know I write about some heavy stuff, but ya'll I deal with some heavy stuff sometimes at my organization. If you don't know what I do, I work for MedShare International, an international relief organization that ships our surplus medical supplies (that our country can afford to throw away) to developing countries all over the world who are desperate for this stuff. So one of my main duties is to capture the stories of where our shipments are going and the interesting people involved. I hear some pretty freakin' cool stories, but they are usually not without a side of unimaginable sadness, hardships, etc.

Yesterday, I interviewed a woman from Uganda that has sponsored two medical aid containters to the rural village and surrounding villages where she grew up. Her name is Enid, and she rocked my world yesterday.

How did Enid get here you ask? She was yet another child victim of war...ok, i'm going to be depressing for a sec, but bare with me, b/c there's a light to the story. Her oldest brother was the Attorney General to the President, and he was killed by the rebel soldiers, but her family was still a target. At 8, she was lined up at gunpoint with her siblings, and actually felt the barrel of a gun pressed into her forehead...and to think the worst thing that happens to most of us at 8 is having a boy tell us we have cooties. Then at 12 in the heat of the war, her parents would lock her in their bedroom everyday, because they were afraid the rebels would come in and rape her. At 17 in 1984, she was brought here as a refugee, along with her two older brothers and two sisters.

The UN Refugee Agency brought them here, but scattered them all over the U.S. and Canada. Enid couldn't even talk to her parents for five years! She was plucked her from her family and dropped in a home with an elderly American couple in Alexandria, VA where she had to acclaimate to American culture alone. But acclaimate, she did. She ended up meeting her husband, who's from Kenya, at a community college. They married and then he got a job at Kroger as a Pharmacist and they moved to Atlanta in 1993.

She didn't go back to Uganda for six years, but finally got to see her parents in 1990, and then made several trips every few years. Since 2002, she's gone home every year to do mission work, hence how she found MedShare. There's no need to go into the health conditions...it's rural Africa, we all know...poverty, disease and no money. So feeling a responsiblity to her people, Enid started talking to Ugandan businesses and Ugandan Associations in the U.S. to raise money to send medical aid. Now fastforward two years, yesterday she came to MedShare overjoyed to report that the medical supplies had finally arrived in Uganda!

I freakin' love African women! Can I get an "AMEN" from anyone who's been around African women? They are the cutest bundles of joy and laughter you have ever met. Their eyes, their laughs...they have this distinct chuckle that's hard to describe. During our interview, I loved hearing her exclaim in her African accent, "YAH...I'm so blessed, so blessed from God (pronounced Ga-wd)." And then she embraced me with an excited hug, and said, "I'm going to send you my cell phone number so we can be friends!" (pronounced frrrr-ends, roll that r people). I loved her!

So from a child of war to a woman of joy...it amazes me what people can endure. And we all think we could never endure such a life, but what if we were born into that? God tells us he never gives us anything we can't handle. Even though I can't imagine living that existence, I am still a person with an innate instinct to survive....so that's what I guess thats what I'd do. But I'd like to think that beyond survival and even in every day life as I hit obstacles that sometimes I wonder, "will I get through this?" that God will use it for something good...He promises that somewhere in the bible.

Ok, enough heaviness for now..

Fun in NYC with my iPhone

I went to NYC of couple of weeks ago, and ended up getting stuck there for 2 extra days! I know, BOO-HOO, huh? And I'm not going to say, "Don't be jealous", because you totally should be. Not only did I get two extra days in NYC, but we were staying in a sweet apartment in the Upper Weststide for FREE, missed two extra days of work and we got to play in the snow in Central Park. Being a born and bred Southern girl, getting to play in the snow was so awesome, but playing in the snow in Central Park....let's just say it confirmed God's love for me:) I wanted to share some pictures that I took in Central Park with my iPhone, because they are crazy good and did I mention I took them from my iPhone? I'm no professional photographer, but I do love photography and like to think I have a bit of an eye for a good shot. If you have an iPhone and enjoy photography, I encourage you to invest in the Camera Bag app. It's only $2.99, and you can apply different effects to your iPhone photos. The following pics were taken with Helga effect...not trying to brag, but I was impressed with them.

Lightening it up a bit...

I feel like my last post was a little heavy. So to lighten things up a bit, I'm going to leave with this...I'm in Nashville, and last night I had an amazing reunion with friends I haven't seen or laughed with in eons. We ended the night reliving our childhoods singing New Kids on the Block songs and laughing til our stomachs hurt! Oh yeah...

Keepin it real

Real. Definition-genuine in existence.

Synonyms:

absolute, actual, authentic, bodily, bona fide, certain, concrete, corporal, corporeal, de facto, embodied, essential, evident, existent, existing, factual, firm, heartfelt, honest, in the flesh, incarnate, indubitable, intrinsic, irrefutable, legitimate, live, material, original, palpable, perceptible, physical, positive, present, right, rightful, sensible, sincere, solid, sound, stable, substantial, substantive, tangible, true, unaffected, undeniable, undoubted, unfeigned, valid, veritable Antonyms: dishonest, fake, false, feigned, imaginary, invalid, untrue I feel that too many times people are all these antonyms. One of the problems with our culture is people are too often these antonyms and not the synonyms. I want REAL. As Christians, we should be nothing less, but I fear that we are all so afraid of "What will people think if they really knew me?" So many of us walk around with this fake outer shell on, and on the inside we are all broken and struggling. I'm not suggesting that everyone give in to brokenness and walk around in darkness and depression, but I wonder what would happen if we all let our walls down and were just real? It's possible to be joyful in the midst of struggles. I believe that when we finally give in and let go of those struggles, is when God is able to swoop in and really do some work and we get what we desire more than anything....freedom. Lately, I've craved this authenticity and transparency from myself and from others...and it is liberating! I've found too that when I'm transparent, I can almost hear the other person let out a sigh of relief and they too become transparent. It's like a pressure release valve, for real! Bottom line, we are broken people in a broken world and all on the same journey of figuring out what God created us for. There's ups. There's downs. I just want to live in community where we are keepin' it real...

Africa: Heaven or Hell?

There's a "Step into Africa" experience put on by World Vision that I went to this week. It's a walk through experience where you step into the life of a child in Africa that's been effected by HIV/AIDS. Since this used to be something I saw daily, the experience was quite emotional...there were specific kids that I knew that would pop up in my mind, like Francis. She was one of my dearest Swazi friends, who at the age of 25, died from HIV/AIDS, leaving behind her six-year-old daughter. But in the midst of her suffering, flowed unbelievable joy! Francis had the most beautiful smile you've ever seen.

Walking through this experience with my headphones on, the voiceover spoke of death, but as I looked in the eyes of the children in the photos, all I could see was life! So as I reflected on this, the following poem ended up on paper. I mean, I guess it's a poem..it doesn't rhyme, but I've never really wrote a poem so anyway, here it is:

AFRICA: HEAVEN OR HELL?

In their bodies, I see hell
In their eyes, I see heaven.
In their bodies, lives disease and darkness
In their eyes, radiates love and light.
In their bodies, they are tired
In their heart, they dance.
In their homes, reeks despair and death
In their spirits, breathes joy and life.
In their streets, they walk through garbage
In their skies, they are kissed by the sun.
At night, they go to bed hungry
In the morning, they thank God for another day.
On the outset, they live in hopelessness
In the depths, they reside in hope.
In their conditions, they are in hell
In their souls, they are in heaven.

Am I a Narcissist?

So I'm discovering that I may indeed be a narcissist. I gave up Facebook for lent, and it has turned out to be the hardest lent sacrifice in all of my years of lent participation. I've already cheated once...but only for a minute..and I tore myself away from the social web gauntlet before I was engulfed. And honestly, I feel quite pathetic that it has been so difficult to fast from online social networking that's basically all about me, me, and more me.

So am I that obsessed with myself or with other people? Well, it's both really. For example, I just went on an amazing trip to NYC with two Atlanta friends and took some great pictures that I really want to post to Facebook! Why? So everyone will see what a great time we had playing in the snow in Central Park and all the super cool things we saw and did? No. Never. Not me. I would never be that into myself, or would I? The other reason-and I'm just going to be bluntly honest, because I know every Facebooker does this-is while in New York, I obtained some new Facebook friends that I am dying to Facebook stalk. Everyone does this as soon as they get a friend request from someone "interesting", and if someone denies that they Facebook stalk, then he or she is a big, fat LIAR.

But in my defense, social online networking, aka Facebook, has turned 99% of our culture into narcissists. BF(before Facebook), no one ever wanted a picture by themselves. But AF(after Facebook), people will post entire photobooth albums from their MacBooks of just themselves! Themselves smiling, themselves doing sexy pouty face, themselves laughing, themselves with all the cool photobooth effects, like pop art and fisheye, etc...all for the exposure on Facebook. And gone are the days of just a night out...those nights must be documented through photography and tagged on Facebook! One phrase everyone should know well is, "Tag it!"

And shall I go into the "25 Random Things" list that has been going around all year? I am proud to say that was where I drew the line. I refused to post "25 Random Things", but I promise you I'm not knocking it, because even though, I wouldn't waste an hour of my life thinking of "25 Random Things", I thoroughly enjoyed wasting my life reading everyone elses "25 Random Things". Every time I got tagged in one of those things, I would try not to look, but I'd end up getting sucked in.

What did I ever do BF? I probably had a more enriched life BF, than I do AF and I somehow have to find that life for the next 33 days. I'm only on day 7 of the Facebook fast. Surely, if Jesus could sacrifice his life for me, then I can sacrifice my social online fun for 40 days? Do you think I'll make it?